Posted by Housnah Gunny on 6/27/2020 to
Poem Presented at Serenity Islamic Mental Health Awareness Event in Ottawa 2016
Merci/Thank you Depression!!
My friend Depression, you visited me in the cold weather of January 2016...you were like a snowstorm.
You buried me under your 50 cm snow. It was deep...I was frozen..I couldn’t move, my mind was foggy...my head was heavy, my thoughts were racing, my heart was sinking..I wanted a break!! I couldn’t have it. I didn't know what was happening to me…
I finally got out of the pile of snow and went to see my family doctor.I was still frozen and broken.
My doctor told me I have a new friend..my roommate
You, my friend depression.
You were a stranger to me..I was scared to be your friend.
I didn't know you..I was uncomfortable ...reluctant and not happy to have you as friend.
I've learnt to accept you and the gifts you gave me...the symptoms of depression .. negative thoughts, insomnia, loss of appetite, tiredness, forgetfulness..leg pain, lack of interest..hopelessness...lack of focus..isolation..disconnection..
My friend, Depression..I was able to introduce you to my husband, mum and dad, my brothers and 3 others friends ...it took me some months before telling my eldest daughter about my mental illness.
An aunty who is a nurse was of great support. She explained how you my friend is…you are just like any disease..
Like diabetes, hypertension ....it can be managed and live with or like other diseases it can completely be cured...with proper medication and therapy.
Mental illness is like a broken mind..we can not see the cast while healing like for a broken leg..we can see the cast.
When my journey started with you my friend, it was awkward in the beginning...but I accepted it. I was angry to have you in my life but I have to let go...
The book ‘Don't be sad’ and Dr Yassir Fazaga YouTube videos made me realise your strength and weakness.
Acceptance is the key of healing…
Having you in my life, I started to know about antidepressants and sleep medications.
I was afraid to take it because of its side effects. I weighed it pros and cons and trusted my family doctor.
It took 4-6 weeks for medication to work. Once the medication started working...energy came back..
You, my friend Depression, made me to meet my first therapist, her name was Carole.
Carole asked me-What do you do for your ‘Me’ time?
I asked her What is ‘ME’ time? I was blank.
What does Housnah like?
Carole told me to love and focus on Housnah and go back to my Source
My Source is my creator-Allah Swt and as muslims we follow the example of the life of our prophet Muhammad peace be on him.
Mon ami Depression-
You made me discover the beauty of workout...meditation, therapy, mindfulness, power of prayers, journaling..
My eldest daughter started to cook when you visited me-
· you were our guests
· she needed to serve you and help her dad and siblings.
· She was scared that her mum would die as it was the first time in her life seeing her mum knocked out..not functional.
· My second daughter, 5 yrs old at that time, started to pray more for her mum’s healing at night before going to sleep..
· Oh Allah/ oh God make mama get well quickly for her to go to work...lol she was scared we would be poor...as her mama was off work..
· My son who was 3-year old son at that time .. kept hugging and kissing me and sitting next to me wherever... he knew something was wrong with his mama.
I became closer and more grateful to my husband..
He didn't know how to host you my friend...he was struggling with his hospitality skills towards you...as you were a special friend..mon ami Depression..
He was patient and took over the house chores to make things easier for me...my family became closer and stronger..
Mental health awarenesss was a wake up call for my family!
With Depression..I made new friends. I distanced myself from toxic friends.
Old University friends came back to my life from all over the world. They contacted me when they knew i was not doing well. Beauty of Friendship!
Ottawa Friends took me out for brunch and coffee...I started to open up my illness to them and other members of my family.
My cousin, the President of Mauritius.
She was with me on whatsapp everyday… checking on me..making sure im taking care of myself… She advised to make Housnah #1
Be strong for your kids Housnah!
Your kids need you!!
She was the ONE who asked me-
What were your triggers Housnah for your mental illness? I then admitted and accepted
-It was work related stress… injustice and intimidation and unhealed wounds from my past from my graduate programs I did not heal from it.
With therapy I’ve learned that Our childhood has a great impact on our life!
Depression my friend, you made me focus more on prayers and to reflect on my purpose…
I want to live a purposeful life… leave a legacy to my family and my community and country.
I want to be a mental health advocate.
I want to have a passionate professional life.
I want to be present in my kids lives and accompany them in their life journey.
I want to have a long happy married life.
I'm thankful my friend Depression to have you in my life…
I know that there is a reason why you came into my life.
There will be light after darkness.
Having you made me discover the beauty of :
· Eating Healthy/our instestine is our second brain
· Having proper sleep hygiene
· Reading more books
· Personal development
· Moving my hobby to a business
· Me time
Mon ami, my friend, I know you will come to visit me on and off..but I do know that I have the tools now to deal with you when you come back as it will be a short visit.
When you leave me, I know that
I'll be having leaves, bloom, have flowers and fruits soon....
Mon ami, you made realise how hard I am on myself and my strength. I’m a perfectionist.
I know my strength and I do focus on it more and more
I’m generous, sincere, empathy, a dreamer, patient, have perseverance, hardworking, spiritual and beautiful.
Merci Mon Ami Depression!!
SubhanAllah this is beautifully written. May Allah bless you for sharing your experiences.
Masha'Allah! Bravo pour ton courage et tous mes félicitations pour tout cet bon travail qui est l'équivalent de déplacer des montagnes. Merci pour le partage et la sensibilisation artistique pour une juste cause, la dépression qui ravages notre monde d'aujourd'hui et d'hier. Fraternellement Abdourahman Kahin
MashaAllah for sharing this Very resourceful
MashaAllah beauty piece Sister!!! ?? May Allah bless your writing and protect you?? Allahuma Amiiin