The Gottman Method of Couples Therapy

What is the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy?

Marriage researcher and therapist, Dr John Gottman has been researching what makes couples relationships work for over 40 years. His research can predict whether couples will stay together with a 94% accuracy.

The Gottman Method is an approach to couples therapy that includes a thorough assessment of the couple’s relationship and integrates research-based interventions based on the Sound Relationship House Theory. The goals of Gottman Method Couples Therapy are to disarm conflicting verbal communication; increase intimacy, respect, and affection; remove barriers that create a feeling of stagnancy, and create a heightened sense of empathy and understanding within the context of the relationship.

Couples who enter into Gottman Method Couples Therapy begin with an assessment process that then informs the therapeutic framework and intervention.


A conjoint session, followed by individual interviews with each partner are conducted. Couples complete questionnaires and then receive detailed feedback on their relationship.

Therapeutic Framework

The couple and therapist decide on the frequency and duration of the sessions.

Therapeutic Interventions

Interventions are designed to help couples strengthen their relationships in three primary areas: friendship, conflict management, and the creation of shared meaning. Couples learn to replace negative conflict patterns with positive interactions and to repair past hurts. Interventions designed to increase closeness and intimacy are used to improve friendship, deepen emotional connection, and create changes that enhance the couples shared goals. Relapse prevention is also addressed.

Why I use the Gottman method

Hauwa Bello

I have chosen to use Gottman’s method of couples therapy because it’s grounded in over 4 decades of research and it has dozens of practical tools to use with couples who are struggling. The method is also 100% compatible with Islam and Christianity doctrines. 

My clients want real solutions to their relationship struggles, and the tools used in the Gottman method are highly effective at solving any problem couples have.

How You and Your Partner Can Benefit from the Gottman Method

Any couple can benefit from the Gottman method of couples therapy if they commit to the therapy process and to their relationship.

Key benefits you can expect from couples therapy:

  • Deepen your friendship and intimacy
  • Increase fondness and affection
  • Enhance your connection to each other
  • Gain effective conflict resolution skills
  • Create shared meaning and purpose
  • Help each other achieve your individual and shared life dreams and goals
  • Increase trust and commitment to each other
  • Understand the science of maintaining stable couple relationships
  • A greater emotional intimacy in your relationship
  • Replace your previous hours of fruitless and exhausting conversations with short structured effective conversations
  • Gain confidence from learning new communication skills to use between sessions and after sessions concludes

Drs. John and Julie Gottman developed nine components of healthy relationships known as The Sound Relationship House Theory.

The Sound Relationship House

Build Love Maps
How well do you know your partner’s inner psychological world, his or her history, worries, stresses, joys, and hopes?

Share Fondness and Admiration
The antidote for contempt, this level focuses on the amount of affection and respect within a relationship. (To strengthen fondness and admiration, express appreciation and respect.)

Turn Towards Instead of Away
State your needs, be aware of bids for connection and respond to (turn towards) them. The small moments of everyday life are actually the building blocks of a relationship.

The Positive Perspective
The presence of a positive approach to problem-solving and the success of repair attempts.

Manage Conflict
We say “manage” conflict rather than “resolve” conflict, because relationship conflict is natural and has functional, positive aspects. Understand that there is a critical difference between handling perpetual problems and solvable problems.

Make Life Dreams Come True
Create an atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about his or her hopes, values, convictions and aspirations.

Create Shared Meaning
Understand important visions, narratives, myths, and metaphors about your relationship.

This is the state that occurs when a person knows that his or her partner acts and thinks to maximize that person’s best interests and benefits, not just the partner’s own interests and benefits. In other words, this means, “my partner has my back and is there for me.”

This means believing (and acting on the belief) that your relationship with this person is completely your lifelong journey, for better or for worse (meaning that if it gets worse you will both work to improve it). It implies cherishing your partner’s positive qualities and nurturing gratitude by comparing the partner favourably with real or imagined others, rather than trashing the partner by magnifying negative qualities, and nurturing resentment by comparing unfavourably with real or imagined others.